My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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