I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
