I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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