why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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