smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
