She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
