Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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