If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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