sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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