God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
