remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
