my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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