That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
