whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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