I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
