I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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