I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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