I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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