I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
