i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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