I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
