I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
