I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
