hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
