i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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