shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
