it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
