U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
