Swine flu. Run for my life!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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