so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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