you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
