Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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