i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
