I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
