I'm laying in your front yard are you home
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
