If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
