never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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