watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
