I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
