Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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