The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
