If that was your dad, he is hot
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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