I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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