I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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