omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
