Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
