Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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