So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
