i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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