Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
