This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
