Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
