I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
