This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
