He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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