I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
