In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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