yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
