Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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