You really coming over, don't trick.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
