He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Help. Why am I so naked?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
