careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How's work?
Spinning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
