where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
