Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
