After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
