I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
