woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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