She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
