she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
