how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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