Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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