bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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