Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
