She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize