in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
